There is a particular Netflix series that came out this week that is a Masterclass in better understanding the epic battles that rage inside us between the Ego and the Soul.
If you were one of the 28 million households that tuned in (no shame), I’m talking about the documentary Harry & Meghan. I don’t spend time following the British Monarchy, so I won’t bother you with any details or debate any truths here. Instead, I will focus on the particular subject of what the Ego desires, especially when it is triggered, versus what the Soul wants for you.
Here you have two people who were obviously massively triggered. After a bit of time, they have decided to fight back. They have chosen to profile themselves in a six-part Netflix documentary to tell their side of their story and “get their truth out”.
This is unique, only in the context of how massive their platform is. But it is not unique in how our Ego goes about its business. When we become triggered, big or small, we don’t realize we are doing it, but we invite our Ego to take center stage, and therefor, control of our response.
While none of us have this big a megaphone, most of us take a similar approach when a trigger happens. This is when we enter what I will label here as a “heart at war”.
First, we blame. We direct our blame at who we think is actually responsible for whatever event has occurred. Two, we recruit. We seek out people who will take our side or lend support. Third, we horrify the other person, or people, we determine to be at fault.
Where is the participation of our Soul in all of this? First, we need to be clear on what the Soul wants vs. what the Ego wants. The number one thing that the Ego wants is to be right. It will lead you to lay out the facts, as you see them, and make your case like an experienced litigator would in court. It assumes that once everyone hears the facts, victory will be yours. Only, the victory runs hallow because being right brings a mixed reaction at best.
Your Soul, however, has no interest in what the Ego desires. It simply desires peace, joy and, love. These are the only three things it wants to lead you to.
So again, I ask, where is the participation of the Soul when we allow the Ego to lead the way? To put it simply, it cannot be heard over the magnified volume of the Ego and its desires. The biggest lie the Ego convinces us of, is that it knows the pathway to peace, joy and love. It categorically does not.
I suppose one could argue that when you recruit supporters, and they take your side, that you feel closer to them for doing so. But, I would question this type of love, and propose that you have simply activated their Ego to play along with yours in this kind of moment, as has happened with Meghan and Harry. A truer test of love & support would be for you to hear their true thoughts from their Soul about you and the situation, not just what their Ego tells you what you want to hear in the moment.
In this way, it has been hard to avoid the massive public reaction to this documentary. I believe that in their Souls, they do want peace, joy and love, as we all do. However, their Souls are not driving the bus. Their Egos have convinced them to take this path, and that if they do it well, they will receive peace, joy and love. Is this what they are getting? It has been hard to avoid all the press delivering nothing but more hate and calling them liars.
Now that it is backfiring, as all Ego led pursuits eventually do, their partnered Egos will have a choice to make again. They will likely to choose their Ego, which will lead them, at worst, to double down, or at best, stay the course. If they double down, next will come ridicule of everyone that “just doesn’t get how much we were mistreated”. Racism and other forms of hate, not love, will likely prevail. I find this sad, but expected.
If I were hired to be their Coach, I would start by helping them decide to give up the pursuits of their Ego. Watch a clip or two of Piers Morgan and his utter disdain for Meghan and you will easily see how how futile it is to fight him with facts. His Ego will never submit! The victory their Egos convinced them could be theirs, is a lie.
I would then focus on reintroducing them to the things that actually bring them peace, joy and love. Their love for each other and their children. World travel, particularly to the continent of Africa, where they get to participate in charitable pursuits that matter most to them. Farming. Being social with tru friends.
My sincere hope for everyone in this world, is that they find the things in life that make them come alive. If we would listen to our Soul more often, our lives have the potential to be wonderful, magical even.
If we allow the Court Jesture, our Ego, to lead our way, we will live hard, toxic lives devoid of any true peace, joy or love.
The Ego may make us rich in a financial sense, as getting paid $100 million by Netflix would certainly do, but at the sacrifice of these three beautiful things, not worth it in the end if your Soul stays unheard.
We can all learn from this show. This is far more valuable to each of us than the alternative, taking sides and judging.
