I’ve been noticing something lately that feels like a quiet departure from reality. We regularly expect people to behave outside the bounds of who they clearly are.
We get frustrated at someone with dementia for not remembering, “I showed you this yesterday.” We tell someone with OCD to “just stop worrying so much.” We wonder why someone with ADD can’t just slow down and relax. And maybe most strangely…we act surprised when a narcissist behaves like a narcissist.
I’m not suggesting we excuse harmful behavior or tolerate things that cross our boundaries. But I am suggesting this: we’d all be better off if we understood people more clearly and then made conscious choices about whether and how we engage with them.
Because expecting someone to consistently act against their nature isn’t optimism… it’s denial. And denial tends to lead to frustration, resentment, and unnecessary conflict.
Clarity, on the other hand, gives you power. You can accept, adjust, set boundaries or walk away. But at least you’re operating in reality. And reality is a much more effective place to make decisions from.
Take this photo for instance. I wear booties when I cold plunge. Nothing anyone says or does will change this fortified habit. It’s who I am! You get to choose whether to kick me to the curb or remain my friend. After all, there are more than 8.3 billion other people who do not wear booties when they cold plunge!
Why can’t things be this simple? 😎
