Do you consider your happiness conditional? Meaning, do you think to yourself - If x doesn’t happen, then I’ll be happy? Or, if x happens then I will be happy.
The first one leads a person to set particular guidelines for what cannot happen in order to be happy. Examples are: As long as my child gets into a good college, I’ll be happy. Or, as long as I don’t lose my job, I’ll be happy. If COVID doesn’t stop me,…………!
This has never been my construct but I’ve learned through my mentoring practice that it is very common, even the norm.
It is like me to be guilty of the second. I’ve been a day dreamer as long as I can remember. I don’t worry about bad things happening cause I’m too busy dreaming up super cool shit that I want to make happen.
Both habits are worthy of examination. If we make our happiness conditional, aren’t we just robbing ourselves of the ability to be happy without conditions?
My Dad is 90 yeas old. Over the last few years I’ve made a point to fly him out to various cool places I’m living so he can get out of the house and have cool experiences. I basically do the same for myself, but the significant difference between me and my Dad, is that once he arrives at a new destination, he typically sets up shop in a chair outside with the best view. And then he enjoys that view all freaking day. He gets approached all day long by me and others asking him if he needs anything, as if what he is doing is unnatural. His answer is always the same. A shake of his head. Meanwhile I spend most of the day doing stuff. All our other guests do the same. Nobody, and I mean nobody, just sits there enjoying the view all day long, perfectly happy.
I shared with all of you that one of my goals this year is to develop a reliable presence practice. Today, I was practicing being present and was able to quiet my thoughts and be truly present (for a few seconds). With this coveted time I found myself stairing at the ocean. In this state, I was truly able to hear my own thoughts over my ego’s (the roommate). You know what my pure thought was? One word……Dad!
For the very first time, I saw what he’s been staring at all those times and oh my God, was it beautiful! And you know what? Absolutely nothing had to be happen except me being present to have this experience of pure joy and happiness. Nothing!
I realized today that my Dad is a presence practice master. Another wonderful thing I can learn from him. His happiness is not conditional. That is my new goal for 2022 and for the rest of my life!
