One of the things I love least about traveling from Miami to Hawaii is that it’s simply too far to do in one shot. One of the things I love most is that it gives me an excuse to stop in Menlo Park and spend time with my parents.
I made that stop yesterday on my way to Hawaii, where I’ll be helping run a couple of weddings at my properties. Unfortunately, I was greeted with difficult news. It’s time to move my dad into a hospital bed inside the house.
Watching the body of a man you admire begin to fail is heartbreaking. At the same time, I find myself incredibly grateful. My father is 94 years old. He has lived far beyond the average American lifespan, and he has given our family decades of memories, wisdom, and love.
Most people are surprised to learn that the average life expectancy for American men is only about 73 years old and for women about 77. Even more sobering is the fact that many Americans spend the last decade of their lives in a state of declining health, increasing medications, and reduced independence. We never know exactly when that decline begins, but for my dad, I believe it started around age 84 after a heart procedure that was presented as routine and preventative. In my opinion, it accelerated a decline that otherwise may have come much later.
That experience taught me an important lesson: be thoughtful about the medical advice you receive. Doctors can be incredible, life-saving professionals, but they are also human. What is best for them & their hospital financially may conflict with what’s best for you or your loved one’s health (and this is me trying very hard to remain positive 🙈). Just remember that they don’t have to live with their bad advice and decisions, you do! 
Get second opinions. Get third opinions. Ask questions. Explore alternatives. No one will ever care more about your health than you do. If a doctor ever says to you, “you’re being a Google doctor” fire him or her immediately and find somebody that understands how much you value your own health. 
This is also why I’ve become less interested in the word longevity and more interested in the phrase health optimization. I’m not particularly focused on squeezing out a few extra years at the very end. I’m focused on making the years I do have as vibrant as possible. I want strong muscles, healthy joints, good balance, mental clarity, energy, purpose, and the ability to fully participate in life. Simply put, I want to be functional. 
Watching my dad’s journey has only strengthened that conviction. Before that ill faded voluntary surgery he got talked into. He was the chairman of the board of a major construction company driving to work every day himself to San Francisco an hour each way. During his lunch break, he would swim laps at the local YMCA. He was incredibly fit mentally and physically, performing at a very high level.
One week after that surgery he had to give up his drivers license and retire. He has been in a state of decline since. To his credit, he’s even done that well. Simply put my dad’s a fucking warrior! 
Seeing my Dad’s primary care physician waddling around the hospital two weeks ago weighing in at 300+ honestly made me feel violent, but I degrees. My Dad deserved better, cause he earned better! Be careful who you give the keys to your health.
None of us know how many years remain. What we do control is how we show up for today.
For my part, I intend to train like a professional athlete, eat like my future depends on it, challenge my mind, nurture my relationships, and do everything I can to stack the odds in favor of a healthy and capable final chapter.
Because the goal isn’t simply to live longer.
The goal is to live well for as long as we can.
