There is so much that I absolutely love about living in Brickell, Miami. The energy, the walkability, the water views, the restaurants, the fitness culture, the feeling that everyone here is simultaneously building a company, training for a marathon, and heading for a long coffee break.
But if I could change one thing about greater Miami, it would be the honking.
My God, the honking.
People in Miami honk like it’s a constitutional right. Not an emergency response. Not a “watch out for danger” situation. Just full emotional expression through the steering wheel.
You paused .8 seconds after the light turned green? HONKKKKKK.
You dared to let a pedestrian finish crossing the street? HONKKKKKK.
You attempted a cautious merge instead of a Fast & Furious lane assassination? HONKKKKKKK.
Someone in front of you is searching for the exact right Spotify song before accelerating? HONK. HONK. LONG HONK.
I’m convinced some people here use the horn the same way New Yorkers use punctuation.
And honestly, I’ve adapted. At this point I can identify different categories of Miami honks:
- The “friendly reminder” honk.
- The “I’m driving a leased Lamborghini and emotionally unraveling” honk.
- And the terrifying double honk from a white Range Rover, which usually means someone is either late for Botox or crypto trading.
- And, the “don’t fuck with me today” honk, I have a loaded gun in my glove box.
But yesterday I experienced the greatest honking moment of my entire life.
I was walking home from morning coffee and heard absolute chaos behind me. Three cars were aggressively laying on their horns because the car at the stop sign wasn’t turning right quickly enough for their liking.
HONKKKK.
HONK HONK.
LONG ANGRY HONKKKKKK.
Naturally I assumed someone was texting, asleep, confused, or possibly 97 years old. As I walked past the car, I glanced inside…
There was nobody in it.
It was a Waymo driverless car.
Three fully grown adults were passionately road raging at a robot.
I completely lost it. I laughed the entire rest of the walk home. Tears in my eyes. Just imagining this poor AI vehicle trying to safely calculate traffic patterns while Miami drivers are behind it emotionally screaming through their horns like medieval villagers confronting witchcraft.
Welcome to Miami. Where even the robots get bullied.
