Day 10 of 60 | Bonjour, Paris! 🇫🇷✨
Cooking school officially kicked off today and I can proudly report that I survived Day One without losing any fingers, dignity, or limbs. (Well, the dignity is questionable.)
Chef Tony Salomon, our fearless leader and professional onion whisperer, gave us a grand tour of our shiny new laboratory kitchen. Then, with great seriousness, he announced our first lesson: how to slice an onion properly. 🧅
Now, I know what you’re thinking, “How hard can it be to cut an onion?” Well, let me tell you, after decades of doing it wrong in at least seventeen creative ways (one involved a very sharp knife, blood and tears unrelated to the onion), I have finally learned the right way.
So tonight, I shall celebrate this monumental victory with a fine glass of tequila, because nothing says “culinary success” like alcohol at 6 p.m. on a Monday. This should also help my lower back discomfort from standing for eight straight hours. 😩
Once the onion stood defeated, we moved on to carrots, celery, and even a lemon that got such a dramatic slicing makeover, I’m convinced it’s auditioning for a role in a Michelin-star kitchen.
We wrapped up the day with a rigorous half hour of cleaning, at which point the female chefs discovered, thanks to my wife’s glowing testimonials, that I have not historically been known for my deep cleaning prowess (I’m more of a straightner). They had a good laugh; I had an existential crisis involving a mop. To make amends, I offered to wash and iron all their chef uniforms weekly. One person believed me, which says more about my delivery than their extreme gullibility. 🤣

So, Day One is complete! I can’t say I’m a natural… unless we’re grading on a very generous curve. But hey, if I can master the onion, maybe there’s hope for me yet. I wasn’t the best, or the worst. Everyone has a day one! 👨🍳🇫🇷
