I am having wonderful sidebar conversations with my best friend Patrick Combs, who has teed up some questions so that those of you in the group who are deeply engaged and considering what I’m writing as it pertains to your own lives, will be better able to understand these topics.
His fair concern is that everybody experiences fear of failure on a massive level and that I seem to be communicating that not only do I not experience that, but that success comes easy to me. I am so grateful that he pointed this out, because in no way is this my intention. He knows this to but had challenged me to communicate more clearly. Here is some clarification.
I experience fear. I am not fearless and things do not come easily to me. I work very, very hard to succeed. I don’t tend to share just how hard I work or just how close I come to failures doorstep other than with a handful of individuals.
That beind said, I reiterate that I am not driven by fear of failure. Not because I am special, but because I am driven by something else - success. Never once do I remember saying to myself, I sure hope I don’t fail. What I do instead is tell myself - you gotta dig deeper and find another gear to work harder or smarter to win at this! Never give up has been my life long motto!
One quick, funny antidote to support this came my senior year of high school. My parents went to great expense to make it possible for me to transfer high schools and play basketball for a different team. In the second round of the playoffs, we were down 15 points with just a quarter to go. To lose this game this early in the playoffs would turn the whole massive sacrifice that my parents made into a failure in my heart.
Did I get scared or start to experience fear of failure, no. What I did was I find something deep inside me that suggested a rather creative and fearsome strategy that just might help turn things around. The player I was guarding was torching us and I concluded that I needed to shut him down if were to win. I concluded that what I was doing wasn’t working and I needed to try something different. I decided that the best way to accomplish my goal, was to scream at him at the top of my lungs every time he had the ball. I am talking batshit crazy screaming. I wanted him to be too scared to continue to be great! It worked!
The rest of the game, he did not score a point, make an assist or get a rebound. He had never encountered such a tactic. We came back from fifteen points down in the fourth quarter to defeat the two time defending state champions.
What additional benefits did this deliver?Two weeks later we won the regional Championship to earn a spot in the State Championships. I also got an offer to play college basketball at the D1 level. The Assistant Coach that made the offer was at this particular game. He liked what he saw in me in the fourth quarter. He said I had an exceptional will to win. One other benefit to all of this is that I could look my parents in the eye and say that I gave it everything I had. I was going to succeed for them and me!
Now, you could argue that I went too far, but I would argue that I went just far enough to succeed. Did I cheat? No. Did I give it everything I had? Yes.
The main point I am making though, is that fear of failure is not one of my top considerations as to whether I proceed forward with a commitment to do something I desire. It just doesn’t register as a factor in my decision making process. It is not that I don’t ever have the thought or emotion of fear. For instance, put me on a dance floor at a wedding and all I’m thinking about is fear of failure because I’m such a shitty dancer. My wife laughs at this because she’s such a great dancer. She doesn’t experience this particular fear, but I do in spades. Dancing to me is often placed in the category of risky. 😎
Once I am commited to a goal, endeavor or business though, do I experience insecurity, anxiety, really really bad days, feel like giving up, bad luck, feelings that there is no hope etc? Heck yeah. Regularly.
I am just as human as everyone else in this group. But, I think people often confuse fear of failure with fear of disappointing other people. I can honestly look each of you in the eye and say that I don’t have this fear because I would never ever let my friends and loved ones down without giving something my all, and going to the end of the earth to deliver a win for me and them.
So, failing or disappointing people is not a reason to not try. The driver for me is succeeding for them. That’s the mindset I have developed for myself and that’s what’s been guiding my lifelong dream journeys.
Patrick pointed out that I don’t tend to write about my struggles in going after my successes. Nor for I provide examples of the determination and hard work it takes me to achieve success often in my life. He would know because as my best friend, he knows all of these things because I share them with him often in a very vulnerable way. 
While his observation is true,it is not unintentional. I just don’t see an upside inspiratioonally to writing things that make people feel even more scared to commit to their dreams and their desires. It is not important to me for others to fully comprehend my determination and stick-to-it-niv-ness in the heat of battle.
What is important to me is that I do everything in my power to inspire others to pursue their dreams. My honest opinion is that I am more effective doing that showing people the results rather than how hard it was to achieve success. We agree to disagree on this.
Perhaps I’m wrong and what I should be sharing is how hard everything is and how hard I have to work to achieve success. But I feel like all this really accomplishes is connection. You may feel more connected to me as a human. But, does it inspire you to do the thing you desire to do? My experience says no. It just creates connection to the person using this tactic to inspire and dare I say, idolation of the storyteller once they finally share how they overcame their fear to achieve great success. My experience tells me that listener then declares, “this inspirer is the greatest”, quickly followed by, “but I could never be like him!” What good is this?
I honestly don’t care to be idolized or looked up to. What I wanna do with my life inspire people to pursue their dreams. That’s it. Why? Because doing so rewards you with goosebumps on your soul and so many other incredible benefits. It’s freaking awesome!
You guys tell me? You’ve stuck around and read my inspirational posts going on years now. What form of inspiration do you prefer? Hearing how hard and scary everything I attempt to accomplish is, or hearing about my goal at its starting point and then becoming inspired by the growth, learnings, benefits, gifts from the Universe, and successes along the way until my goal is reached. What inspires you more?
To use a chef analogy, I am willing to go there if you all want to hear more about how hard it was to produce each meal ( aka: win).
❤️
Now, off to swim my 3 laps!
