“Hey man” said my Health Expert, “I want you to try something new. Your stomach is not responding as it should to weight loss and there is a new protocol that has produced amazing results for men just like you.”
That sounds promising, I replied. What’s the protocol?
“We are going to radically change your diet and you are going to cold plunge every morning for forty-five straight days.”
I thought about this a second and sheepishly replied, I don’t really like being cold. It’s why I chose to live in Hawaii and Miami year-round. But, I’m also tired of losing huge amounts of weight and this belly fat not going away. I’ve done cold plunge two times before and survived, so I guess I can give it a try.
“Great” says my Health Expert “I will send you the food and supplements I need you to buy but here is what I need you to do cold plunge wise. On day one, go for five minutes. Then, add a minute every day for the next forty-four days.”
Clearly not hearing him correctly, The Voice in my Head spoke first, “You want us to cold plunge for forty-five days for five minutes each day?” Realizing that my Health Expert could not actually hear The Voice in my Head, I repeated the question only substituting the word “us” for “me” cause that would just be weird otherwise. He might think I’m crazy!
“No” my Health Expert said, “I want you to add one additional minute to your cold plunge every day, until you make it to day forty-five.”
Now, as a life-long entrepreneur, I’ve become pretty good at numbers and projecting them over time. So, the first thing that did NOT enter my mind was, I need to do six minutes on day two. The Voice in My Head however, leapt ahead doing the math for me before I could do it myself, and proclaimed, ‘This dude is bonkers!”
Allowing this highly negative thought to pass by like a dark cloud, I reminded myself that my Health Expert is a dear friend who is not charging me a penny for his valuable care and only has my best interest at heart.
I re-focused on doing my own math: Five minutes plus one additional minute per day for forty-five days equals…………fifty minutes! Holy Shit! Wait, did I do this math right?
“Yes, you did it right!” The Voice in My Head proclaimed, “We are not the idiots here, he is! We can’t survive fifteen minutes in forty- degree water, let alone fifty minutes ! That’s absurd! What does he think we are – lab rats?”
Well, I countered to The Voice in My Head, I don’t really agree with your assessment that my Health Expert is an idiot. He has authored nine books on pain, nutrition and optimum health. He knows more about the body and its inner workings than anyone I have ever met in my entire life times ten! And, he even has his own line of clean supplements and has never tried to get me to buy even one bottle.
The Voice in My Head violently replied, “We don’t care if he authored the Bible, this is heresy. He has no idea what he is saying. You won’t survive!”
I see what you just did there, I replied. Its “we” until I do something that you perceive as risky, then its “you”. This is further evidence as to why I know that you are just A Voice in my Head and not really me! Furthering my case, he has worked with Navy Seals after deployments and UFC Fighters after their cage matches to heal their pain. I don’t think guys like that would go to him if he was a quack!
“You ‘re not a Navy Seal” the Voice in My Head countered, “and although we were outstanding at Jujutsu in our Manhattan Beach days, you are no UFC fighter!”
Well, I replied laughingly, I wouldn’t use the word outstanding, I only made Orange Belt!
“We were the best damn Orange Belt in the entire class! The Voice in My Head declared.
I think we may be getting a little off topic here. Have you forgotten that two surgeons told me I had a torn meniscus in my knee and that I needed surgery to repair it just five months ago?
“What I remember is that we got in to see the best surgeon in all of Miami, the team doctor for the Miami Dolphins no less, because I convinced you to reach out to him by email!” The Voice in My Head said.
I made a mental note how quickly The Voice in My Head takes credit for things! I then said, Again, I think you are taking us off topic. The doctors looked at an X-ray, touched my knee once and determined I needed surgery. My Health Expert actually spent three hours manipulating adhesions in my fascia to produce a magical result – Zero knee pain, no instability and no surgery!
“That was total luck and has nothing to do with this dire situation. This guy wants you to voluntarily sign up for hypothermia. We aren’t doing it! Period, end of story! The Voice in My Head practically screamed.
But, I softly replied, I don’t think luck healed my knee without surgery. And you are forgetting the other time he fixed my hip, which had been locked in an incorrect position for decades, in just one table session?
“What does fixing your hip or knee have to do with hypothermia and guaranteed death? The Voice in My Head retorted.
Well, I replied, we both know he has helped me lose thirty pounds three times in the last two years but that my stomach stays inflamed. Maybe this protocol will help with this!
“Yeah, I do. I also know that you gained all the weight you lost back every time!” The Voice in My Head laughed at me.
True, but not because of him, I replied, because each time I hit my weight loss goal I stopped doing anything he suggested, and to be honest, started listening to you and returned to the very bad habits that seem to serve you, but not me! You wouldn’t know the pathway to Joy, Peace, Health or Self-Love if you had a guidebook.
P.S. - Turns out a human can withstand thirty minutes in a cold plunge. Just passed day 26 of the protocol. Lost 5 inches on my stomach and rest of my body feels 15 years younger! Might as well find out if I can do 50 minutes!
As always, The Voice in My Head has an opinion about this too, but I’ll just let it pass by me like someone’s fart in the wind! 🤣
