My sister Sue McDonald has a very special soul.
Aging gracefully is a hope we all have, but even a Dreamer like me knows this isn’t really a realistic hope.
So, instead we focus on dignity, special moments and doing everything in our power to keep our parents alive, safe, cared for and feeling loved. These are the wins.
My Dad is 93 now. My Mom turns 90 in a few weeks. They both took care of their bodies throughout their adult lives, giving them extra time.
How did they do it?
Did they eat less meat, abstain from gluten, abstain from alcohol, and never eat ice cream? Nah, they did all of those things to their heart’s content. But Dad did run a few miles most mornings, played tennis some weekends, and even went swimming every work day into his 70’s and early 80’s when running was no longer his best option.
To support him, my Mom would make him a simple sandwich and instead of going out to lunch with his fellow Execs or employees at work, he would go to the local YMCA by himself and swim during lunch every work day he could. This isn’t the choice most CEO’s in stressful jobs make.
Mom played tennis several days a week until eighty, and then started doing yoga and lifting weights beyond that. She still hits it despite fallen arches that make her feet hurt really bad. She’s tough and a total gamer! I hope she has many quality years left.
I believe these wonderful habits earned my parents extra years that have mostly been pain free and high quality.
But these last two years, my Pop has slowed down considerably. Dementia, lack of some mobility and an inability to care for himself fully are the new battles. On the bright side, he is happy, safe, well cared for and as far as we know - pain free. He’s old school West Virginia coal mine tough, so we are never sure of this! We are so grateful for these wins.
When a parent ages to this degree though, people need to step up. For those that have been through this, it’s no small thing. We all think we will be willing to put our lives on hold to help the two people that changed our diapers and gave us everything. But then the real work reveals itself and kicks. This is when we realize that we are unprepared and lacking the skill sets to do what’s necessary. This is where heart and good old fashioned grit are required. These are my favorite qualities in any human. Heart and grit!
The inspiration in my heart today is to acknowledge my sister Sue for stepping up first with all her heart and astounding grit these last two years. She wasn’t the only one (Joe Mcdonald & Charley Lochtefeld have been huge and looks like Greg Lochtefeld will be stepping up next) but most of the wins I mentioned above are because of her heart (and my Mom’s). The fact that my Dad is comfortable despite his recent health challenges is due to her (and my Mom’s) grit.
I love you sister, more than you know. Thank you for what you have done. It’s been heroic in every way. More help is on the way and not just in the special moments category. We have a deep bench of siblings ready to rise up and give you back the awesome life you have earned!
And to all my friends, whose families are going through the same type of experiences, big hug to each of you. Keep giving it all a heart and grit you can muster.
